One week ago I had everything I ever wanted.

I was living with my partner of two years in our own space with puppy Snickers working on my own personal business then, within a split moment, it was all gone.

My outdoor toddler fitness sessions had wrapped up due to the Australian summer heat rapidly making an entrance, I watched him board a plane to the other side of Australia with the probable chance that I’d never see him again, I left my puppy with my parents to take care of while I left the house that was now an empty space full of memories and I too boarded a plane to Canada…

Thanks to Covid I now have 14 days to completely overthink and sit with everything that’s just happened, I’m faced with overwhelming emotions and fighting back thoughts of relapse because of how out of control my life feels. It’s hard to ‘trust the process’ when you have no idea why things are happening but alas here we are, playing trust fall with the universe- holding on to hope that it will catch me.

“Ruin is a gift”

In my favourite movie of all time- Eat Pray Love written by Elizabeth Gilbert has a scene where Liz says, “We all want things to stay the same, settle for living in misery because we’re afraid of change, afraid of crumbling to ruins but ruin is a gift, ruin is the road to transformation. We must always be prepared for endless waves of transformation”.

Sometimes we ask ourselves, '“why is this happening” and “why me” especially this year it’s so easy to blame it on ‘Covid’ for all that goes wrong, maybe to shift the blame or have some reassurance there’s a reason but;

So here I am, five days later from leaving everything familiar and comforting to me sitting looking out on the city I only dreamed of seeing with my own eyes since I was very small, a little funny story- when I was younger I believed that Canada wasn’t a country that you could visit! I have no idea how that originated now but I certainly proved myself wrong… A teacher once said to me, “How do you know a place really exists unless you see it for yourself?” I never forgot that, and I can can proudly say it exists.

But what now?